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Why This Matters: Gambling and Your Whānau
Kia ora, mate! Gambling is a pretty common thing in Aotearoa, from a cheeky flutter on the TAB to a night out at the casino tables. Sometimes, though, it can become a problem. If you’ve noticed a friend, partner, or family member struggling with their gambling, you’re not alone. This guide is here to help you understand what’s happening and how you can offer support. It’s about looking after your mates and your whānau, and knowing what to do when things get tough. We’ll break it down nice and easy, so you can get a handle on the situation and help your loved one get back on track.
Spotting the Signs: Is There a Problem?
Before you can help, you need to know if there’s actually a problem. It’s not always obvious. Here are some things to watch out for:
- Spending More Than They Can Afford: This is a biggie. Are they regularly using money that should be going towards bills, rent, or food?
- Chasing Losses: Do they keep gambling to try and win back what they’ve lost? This is a classic sign.
- Lying or Hiding: Are they secretive about their gambling, or lying about how much they’re spending or where they’ve been?
- Mood Swings: Gambling can cause big ups and downs. Are they irritable, anxious, or depressed, especially when they can’t gamble?
- Neglecting Responsibilities: Is gambling interfering with their work, studies, or relationships? Are they missing important events or letting commitments slide?
- Borrowing Money: Are they constantly asking for loans, or using credit cards to gamble?
- Withdrawal Symptoms: Do they get restless or irritable when they try to stop gambling?
If you see a few of these signs, it’s time to have a kōrero (conversation).
Having the Kōrero: Talking About It
Talking about someone’s gambling can be tricky, but it’s important. Here’s how to approach it:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time when you can both talk privately and without distractions. Avoid doing it when they’re upset or have been gambling.
- Be Calm and Non-Judgmental: Start by expressing your concern and care. Avoid blaming or criticising. Say things like, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
- Focus on the Behaviour, Not the Person: Instead of saying, “You’re a gambling addict,” try, “I’ve noticed you’ve been gambling a lot recently, and I’m worried about the impact it’s having.”
- Listen More Than You Talk: Let them share their feelings and experiences. Don’t interrupt or argue. Just listen and show empathy.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of “Are you gambling too much?” try “How do you feel about your gambling?” or “What’s been going on lately?”
- Be Prepared for a Reaction: They might deny there’s a problem, get angry, or shut down. Try to stay calm and reiterate your concern.
- Set Boundaries: Be clear about what you can and can’t do. For example, you might say, “I’m here to support you, but I can’t lend you money.”
What You Can Do: Offering Support
Once you’ve had the kōrero, here’s how you can offer support:
- Educate Yourself: Learn about problem gambling. Understanding the issue will help you provide better support. Websites like the Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand and the Ministry of Health are great resources.
- Encourage Professional Help: This is crucial. Suggest they talk to a counsellor or therapist who specialises in problem gambling. Offer to help them find a professional or make an appointment.
- Support Their Treatment: If they’re seeking help, be there for them. Offer to go to appointments with them, or simply be a listening ear.
- Avoid Enabling: Don’t cover up their gambling, lend them money, or make excuses for them. This only makes the problem worse.
- Focus on Their Strengths: Remind them of their positive qualities and help them focus on their goals.
- Encourage Healthy Activities: Help them find enjoyable and healthy ways to spend their time, like exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends and family.
- Look After Yourself: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Make sure you take care of your own well-being. Set boundaries, seek support from your own friends, family, or a counsellor.
Where to Get Help: Resources in Aotearoa
New Zealand has some fantastic resources to help with problem gambling:
- Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand: They offer free counselling, support groups, and information. You can find them online or call their helpline.
- Gambling Helpline: This is a free, confidential phone service available 24/7. Call 0800 654 655.
- Your GP: Your doctor can provide advice, refer you to a specialist, or prescribe medication if needed.
- Te Whatu Ora (Health New Zealand): They can provide information about mental health services and support in your area.
- Family and Whānau: Lean on your support network. Talking to other family members or friends can provide emotional support and practical help.
The Long Game: Patience and Persistence
Recovery from problem gambling takes time and effort. It’s not a quick fix. Be patient, understanding, and persistent. There will be good days and bad days. Celebrate the small victories and don’t give up on your mate. Remember, you can’t force someone to change, but you can be there to support them every step of the way. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Conclusion: Helping Your Mate, Helping Yourself
Supporting a friend or partner with a gambling problem is a challenging but important role. By understanding the signs, having open conversations, offering support, and accessing the right resources, you can make a real difference. Remember to look after yourself too. With patience, empathy, and the right help, your mate can get back on track, and you can both build a stronger, healthier relationship. Kia kaha (be strong) and look after each other, eh?